havadan sudan [blog, writing, travel, yoga]

Dear people of my universe,

I
didn’t have the chance to show my love and appreciation to you lately. I
was quite busy with other issues in life. I finally got the time and
chance to write and I beg for your pardon. You are kind of special to
me. You know that. The previous people of my universe have never been so
generous like you are.

I
remember the old gentleman who brought me to his old-fashioned
apartment in Charlottenburg like yesterday. He was such an unlucky man
who didn’t have any family left to visit him. I met with his son only
once. He didn’t even show up when his father passed away. How sad it
was…

It
was a very cold day. It had continuously snowed the night before. Old
man woke up early as usual that morning. First, he started to hear a
sound like a continuous beep. He was on a ship which was looking rusty
in his dream. Suddenly, he remembered that everyone was saying different
things to him.

My
old man was just someone. He was only special in his dreams. Nobody
visited him while he was alive but the girl who was living downstairs.
It is not all about sad and gloomy, it is about life, love and feeling.
It doesn’t matter that much what you are doing, it is more about who you
are! Don’t be afraid of looking at the mirror!

Your Sofa

Bu yazı, ilk defa 24/2/2009 tarihinde havadansudan.azbuz.com’da yayınlandı.

Zaman
zaman, işte o zaman… Şehrin ortasında bir tilki kütüphaneden çıkıp önümden süzülerek, tıpkı bir insan gibi önce sağa ve sonra sola ve
tekrar sağa bakmak suretiyle yolda karşıdan karşıya geçiyor… Aklım bir
yerlerde takılı kalıyor. Yaşamdan heyecan bekleyen ben özgürlüğe
susarken, klişelere inancı günden güne kuvvetlenen geleneksel eleştirmen
olan tarafım beni sosyal bir muamma haline döndürüyor.

Zaman
evvel zaman oluyor… Bindiğim otobüsteki insanların yaş ortalaması
altmış ve kendimi bir anda gencecik hissediyorum. Merak damarım
kabarıyor, yanımda oturan yaşlı teyzeyle konuşasım geliyor. Öyle çok
sorum var ki ona soracak. Sadece kafamdaki sorular bile beni
geliştiriyor. Zaman arkadaşlarla konuşma zamanı… Farklı ilgiler, farklı
insanlar, farklı hayatlar arıyor gözlerim. Tek düzeliğe tahammülüm yok.

Zaman,
yılların koşar adımlarla gittiği zaman şimdi… Dünyanın ve insanların
bana ihtiyacı olduğuna inanma isteğiyle doluyor içim. Sosyal konular
kafamı çok meşgul ediyor, her gün beynimde yeni bir ütopya kurup ertesi
gün yıkıyorum onu. Her şeyin bir anlamı olmalı gibi geliyor. Her ne kadar
dünyanın hiçbir zaman mükemmel bir yer olamayacağını bilsem de
düşünmekten alıkoyamıyorum kendimi. Hele de sesli düşünmekten hiç
vazgeçmiyorum.

Kimi
zaman uzaktan sevmeye yelteniyor değişim aşığı kalbim. Ama içinde ben
yoksam bana-ne-ci oluyorum. Sevesim gelmiyor. Kısır bir döngüye
giriyorum rastgele: uzaktaysam uzak kalıyorum, eskaza yakınlaştıysam
daha da yakın oluyorum. Peki değişim nerede saklanıyor? Düşüncelerimin
satır aralarında yaşıyor. İçimdeki yaratmak, yapmak, kurmak, üretmek
ihtiyacı yüksek sesle çağırıyor onu saklandığı yerden. Sadece onu ikna
edebilecek kelimeler kayıp…

Bu yazı, ilk defa 21/11/2008 tarihinde havadansudan.azbuz.com’da yayınlandı.

The phone rings three times. Nobody answers, is she going to? She
does and they chat for some time. Then she moves to right side of the
bed and embraces the pillow like her sweetheart childhood toy. She goes
online and checks her emails. She has the full motivation to do all
kinds of unfinished work. She reads and answers all the requests from
people she knows and she doesn’t know. Then she turns left but still in
the soft bed.

The parallel life offers her a lot.
It disabuses her of false assumptions which already became main
ingredients of so-called this life. Liberation is like getting rid of a
dumb ring which she used to carry without questioning. It has never
grown while she did herself. When she didn’t take it off at the right
time, it becomes a part of her life.

Most of her
wishes come true there. She receives the offers she likes. She has the
ultimate courage to say everything belongs to her mind and no fear of
anything. Is it a perfect world? Indeed, no. It is just more honest and
it is purified of the interaction effects with others. Everything
depends on her. She is protected by the spell of the parallel life
sphere. She sits literally in the center of the world of hers. Then she
opens her eyes and she starts the day but she is looking forward to
going back to her parallel life.

Bu yazı, ilk defa 20/11/2008 tarihinde havadansudan.azbuz.com’da yayınlandı.

Once upon a time, there was a ladybug who was living in a huge and
noisy city of humanland. His name was called into his holy, tiny ear as
“Luca” as soon as he opened his ladybug-eyes first time. Don’t think
that there is a typing mistake that the writer wrote “he” instead of
“she”. It has been forgotten long time ago why ladybugs are called
“ladybugs”.

Luca woke up in the middle of the night with the
music-kind-of-noise coming from the bathroom. He was curious about the
musician who was playing drums there. So Luca wore his slippers and
entered the bathroom. However he couldn’t see anyone. It was a big
disappointment for the dreamer Luca. It was just the water dropping from
the tap. He turned it off and kept dreaming:

He is a well-known
singer right under the warming lights of the stage. The concert hall is
full of ladybugs who bought their tickets months before the show and
ladybug journalists with their tiny cameras. Nothing and nobody is
moving in the room but Luca’s voice like the waves in the ocean. He puts
a spell on his audience.

Suddenly, a human being appears on the
top of the stage. It gets closer to Luca. Luca is not sure at that very
nervous moment whether this particular human being would bring good luck
to him. He hesitates in the depth of his thoughts but he keeps singing,
singing, singing…

When Luca opened his eyes, he was on
something smooth. It was warm and soft as silk. Before he realized that
he must have run away long time ago, this smooth-being had started to
move. The last thing Luca thought: “God, is it a humanquake?”

The
dream was over and he’s still singing somewhere no one sees. His red
suit with black spots became a part of the universe. Maybe not happily
lived forever but definitely forever as a “happily singing Luca”.

Bu yazı, ilk defa 13/10/2008 tarihinde havadansudan.azbuz.com’da yayınlandı.